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About Bari

I’m walkin’ downtown, right? Stomach’s growlin’ – mmm, donuts – but I’m focused. Findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ a pizza. Takes guts! Saw this gal once, leanin’ on a pole, smokin’. Looked tough, like she’d slap me silly. Made me mad – why’s she gotta be so mean-lookin’? But then, she winked! D’oh! Heart jumped – happy as a pig in mud! Little fact: back in old days, they called ‘em “ladies of the night.” Fancy, huh? Not these gals – they’re more “ladies of the alley!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on Via Roma. You know, the one with the killer pastries? I ordered a cornetto and a cappuccino. The barista, Marco, he’s a legend. He always knows my order. But today? He forgot the sugar. Like, c’mon, Marco! I need my sugar fix! I was ready to throw a fit, but then I saw the view of Lake Maggiore. It’s stunning, man. I mean, who can stay mad with that view?