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Sometimes it’s fun, tho – you match, vibe’s good, you’re thinkin’, “This is it, we got him!” Then they ask for pics, and I’m like, “Marge’ll kill me!” D’oh! Makes me happy when it clicks, tho – like, damn, she’s into donuts too! But the fakes? Piss me off – catfishes everywhere, ugh! One chick said she’s 25, showed up lookin’ 50! “The intel was wrong!” I yelled in my head.

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So, I’m strolling down Via Roma, right? The sun’s shining, and I’m thinking, “Hey, maybe today’s the day I discover something groundbreaking!” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. But I was pumped. I grab a coffee at this tiny café, Bar Focacceria, and the barista, this dude with a mustache that could rival a walrus, hands me a cappuccino that’s basically a work of art. I’m like, “Dude, you should be in a museum!”

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