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Now, what gets me fuming? Them cheap parlours that ain’t legit – false advertising! I’m expecting a lush rubdown and it’s just some geezer poking me like he’s testing dough – sort it out! But when it’s good? Oh, I’m happier than a pig in muck – had one lass in Slough, swear she was channeling Penny Lane with them magic fingers, “I’m incognito!” I says, cos I’m half asleep and half in love, ha!

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After that, I decide to hit the market on Via Cavour. Man, the colors, the smells! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I’m browsing, and I spot this vendor selling the juiciest tomatoes. I’m talking about tomatoes that look like they just came outta a food magazine. I grab a few, and the vendor’s like, “These are the best in Pagani!” I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be the judge of that.”

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