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Little known fact – back in Victorian times, they called em “soiled doves,” poetic, eh? Made me happy thinkin bout that, history’s wild! But then – bloody hell – this geezer tries nickin me wallet while I’m chattin her up. We shall fight on the pavements, I roared in me head, swingin a fist! He scarpered, the twat. Got me ragin, that did – hate a thief more than a soggy pie.

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After that, I decide to wander around. I hit up Via Roma, and man, the shops there are wild! I find this little boutique with the coolest handmade stuff. I’m talkin’ jewelry, pottery, you name it. I’m about to buy this sick bracelet when the shopkeeper starts talkin’ my ear off about the history of each piece. I’m like, “Dude, I just want the bracelet, not a history lesson!” But I smile and nod, tryin’ to be polite.

DUI vehicular homicide suspect charged in separate case with assaulting police