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Oh, honey, lemme spill the tea—whore’s a wild one, ain’t she? Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ ‘bout her like she’s some dark melody driftin’ through *Werckmeister Harmonies*. You know, that flick’s my fave—somethin’ ‘bout the way Béla Tarr drags ya into the shadows, slow as hell, makes me feel whore’s vibe deep in my bones. She’s like that whale in the movie, y’know? “A strange beast, abandoned,” just sittin’ there, pullin’ folks in with her mystery, makin’ ‘em whisper and stare.

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Finally, I made it back to the theater, and guess what? The show was about to start! I squeezed into my seat, all out of breath. The lights dimmed, and I was like, “Okay, let’s do this!” The opera was some classic, you know, the kind where everyone’s singing in Italian, and I’m just sitting there pretending I understand.

In Hudson, N.Y., Even the Opera Is Locavore