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Heard this mad story once – true fact, swear down – some punter in Amsterdam got so pissed, he paid a prossie to just… chat. Chat! Didn’t even shag ‘er! Sat there blabberin’ about his ex for an hour. What a wanker, eh? Coulda got that for free at the pub! Reckon *Find a Prostitute* is full of them types – lonely sods who’d pay a tenner to cry on a tit. Surprised me, that – thought they’d all be randy bastards, but nah, some are just sad sacks.

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But then, I realize I’ve lost track of time. I gotta get back to my studio on Via Cavour. I’m rushing, and of course, I trip over my own feet. Classic me. I’m laughing at myself, but then I see a group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s a puzzle. I’m like, “You guys need help?” They’re super grateful, and I end up giving them a mini tour. “That’s the church, that’s the river, and that’s where I tripped.” They laugh, and I’m like, “See? I’m a local guide now!”

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