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She’s got dis swagger, tho—walks like she owns da joint. Kinda sexy, kinda scary. I’m sittin’ here munchin’ my carrot, thinkin’, “Dang, she’s a forest fire!” Like, if I were human, I’d be shook. Ever see her eyes? Deep, man, “like lookin’ at two TV sets.” Dat’s from da flick—fits her perfect. She’s a puzzle, a big ol’ “why not?” in a world fulla stiffs.

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After that chaos, I needed a breather. So, I headed to the Parco dei Castelli Romani. It’s my go-to spot when I need to clear my head. The view is insane! You can see the hills rolling, the vineyards stretching out. I plopped down on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, this couple starts arguing nearby. Like, c’mon! Can’t a guy enjoy his peace? I’m trying to vibe with nature, and they’re over there throwing shade.

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