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Humor? Shit, one time this guy farted mid-massage—loud as a damn bomb! I laughed so hard I nearly kicked the table over. “It’s all happening,” my ass—more like “it’s all stinkin’!” Sarcasm aside, sexual-massage is dope—relaxes ya, gets ya off, whatever. Just don’t be a cheapskate, tip the damn worker, or I’ll come for ya, screamin’, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!” Now, go try it, losers—tell ‘em Cartman sent ya!

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Then, I thought, “Why not grab a gelato?” So, I headed to this gelateria on Via Cavour. I got pistachio and stracciatella. Best combo ever! I was walking, licking my gelato, feeling like a king. But then, I tripped over a cobblestone. Like, how do I even trip on a cobblestone? I almost face-planted into the gelato. Thank goodness I saved it!

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