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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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So, I’m sipping my coffee, and suddenly, this group of kids runs in, all hyped up. They’re shouting about some festival happening later. I’m thinking, “What festival?!” Turns out, it’s some local thing on Via Mazzini. I’m intrigued. I mean, who doesn’t love a good festival, right?

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