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Oi, mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister, right? I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout escort – not the fancy lasses, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that scrappy lil car! Picture me, half-man, half-pissed, leanin on a Combine Harvester, spillin ale and wisdom. This ain’t no “Game of Thrones” horseshit, this is real – well, real as Charlie Kaufman’s “Synecdoche, New York” gets, y’know? “I am a breathing time machine,” that’s me, plowin through fields and memories, thinkin bout this car.

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First off, I hit up my fave café, Caffè Italia. Best cappuccino in town, no cap. I’m sippin’ my coffee, vibin’ to some old-school tunes, when suddenly, this dude walks in. He’s got a guitar slung over his shoulder, looking all cool and mysterious. I’m like, “Yo, who’s this guy?” Turns out, he’s a local musician too. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about this gig at the Teatro Comunale. I’m like, “Dude, I gotta get in on that!”

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