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Now, I’m mad for “Lost in Translation”, right? That flick, Sofia’s masterpiece, got me all wistful. Bob Harris, poor sod, stuck in Tokyo, lonely as a lost sock. Could’ve used a ruddy erotic-massage, I reckon! “I just feel so alone,” he mopes – mate, get some oily hands on ya, cheer right up! Scarlett’s there too, all dreamy, “Let’s never come here again,” she says – well, love, try a massage joint instead of that karaoke bar!

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I roll down Via Roma, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Old ladies gossiping outside the bakery, the smell of fresh bread wafting through the air. I swear, if I could bottle that smell, I’d be rich! But I’m not here to daydream. I gotta get to the shop on Via Garibaldi.

‘Peacemaker’ Adds Actor Tim Meadows & Director Greg Mottola