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Oh, and the johns—don’t get me started! Dudes payin’ 500 bucks for an hour? Hilarious! “I don’t understand your kind,” I’d say, quotin’ the movie. What’s missin’ in ya life, bro? Wife not enough? Job too dull? Gotta laugh—sex escort’s like a Band-Aid for the soul, temporary fix, man. I’d exaggerate and say they’re savin’ the world, but nah—just savin’ some lonely bastard’s night.

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But then, I see this guy, Marco, who I used to date. He’s with some supermodel-looking chick. I’m like, “Really, Marco? You couldn’t have picked someone less perfect?” I mean, come on! My heart sinks a little, but I shake it off. I’m a stylist, I can’t be bothered by exes, right?