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Listen up, you twat! I reckon escort’s a proper mindfuck. You got yer high-end birds, all posh an’ that, chargin’ a grand a night. Then there’s the gritty ones – street corners, mate, skanky vibes. Saw this doco once, right, some escort lass in Soho, been at it since the 80s! Fuckin’ legend, she was – said punters used to tip with fuckin’ vinyl records! Who knew that shit, eh? Proper mad.

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But then, oh man, the drama hit. I was walking down Via Vittorio Emanuele when I bumped into my ex. Of all the places! I was not ready for that. We exchanged awkward hellos, and I could feel the tension. Like, can we not? I just wanted to enjoy my day. But no, we ended up chatting for a bit. Turns out, she’s moved on, and I’m still here, living my best life. I played it cool, but inside, I was like, “Why, universe, why?”

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