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About Bari

So, lemme tell ya—back in Scranton, growin’ up, we didn’t talk massage, period. But one time, my buddy Tommy, he’s all, “Joe, you gotta try this!” Took me to this shady joint—smelled like lavender and regret. Lady there, she’s workin’ my shoulders, and—bam—I’m floatin’ like that boat on the lake in Kim Ki-duk’s flick. “The body moves, the soul stays still,” right? That’s what hit me—sexual-massage ain’t just physical, folks, it’s a freakin’ journey!

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After that, I’m like, “I need food.” So, I head to this little trattoria on Via Cavour. The pasta? To die for! I order the risotto alla Milanese, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. I’m in heaven. But then, I overhear this couple arguing at the next table. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my meal. I mean, come on! Can’t a person eat in peace?

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