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I tried it once, no lie – chick was a pro, fingers like magic. Felt like Sam and Suzy from *Moonrise Kingdom*, sneakin’ off to their secret spot – “We’re in love, we’re runaways.” Tension gone, muscles loose, but damn, my head was spinnin’. Was it too good? Hell yeah, got me sweatin’ like I just wrestled a 300-pound dude. But here’s the kicker – some places, they charge extra for the “happy endin’,” and that pisses me off! Greedy punks ruinin’ the vibe. Know your role, keep it real!

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First call comes in at 8 AM. It’s this dude, totally frantic, like he’s just seen a ghost or something. “I need to find my cat!” he yells. I’m like, “Bro, calm down. What’s the cat’s name?” Turns out, it’s named “Pasta.” I mean, c’mon, who names their cat Pasta? Anyway, I’m trying to help him, but he’s all over the place. “I saw him near Via Garibaldi!” I’m like, “Dude, that’s a busy street. You sure he’s not just chillin’ at the pizzeria?”

Afriyie Acquah insists Black Stars have quality to win 2017 AFCON