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Diggin’ into it, I’m like, okay, sexual-massage—red flags everywhere! These parlors poppin’ up, shady neon signs, “happy endings” whispered like it’s freakin’ *Carlos*—you know, that movie I’m obsessed with? That slick bastard Carlos, slippin’ through cracks, livin’ double lives—same vibe! These joints say “therapeutic,” but half the time it’s a front. I’m furious, man—people lyin’, scammin’ insurance for payouts! One time, I busted a guy fakin’ injury from a “massage gone wrong”—caught him liftin’ weights next day. “You’re a dead man!” I yelled, channeling Carlos vibes—okay, maybe not, but I was pissed!

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Then I hit up the local café on Piazza della Libertà. Best cappuccino ever, but the barista? Total drama queen. She spills milk everywhere and starts cursing in Italian. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a little milk!” But she’s all flailing her arms like she’s in a soap opera. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Youth come out in force for successful spring sports season