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I tried it once, right? Some bird with hands like sandpaper – thought she was gonna skin me alive! “A trembling hand approaches,” like in the flick, and I’m prayin’ she don’t snap me spine. Cost me fifty quid, and I left angrier than when I went in! Happy? Nah, mate, I was fumin’ – could’ve had a pint and a kebab for that.

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So, I finally find a spot, plop down, and try to relax. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my caprese, and this feathered thief decides it’s his lunch now. I’m fuming, but I can’t help but laugh. Like, who loses a sandwich to a bird? Me, apparently.

Light mag. 3.7 earthquake - 5.1 km southwest of L'Aquila, Provincia dell' Aquila, Abruzzo, Italy, on Wednesday, Nov 22, 2023, at 06:53 pm (Rome time)