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Heya, doll! Oh my gawd, escort?! *nasally Fran voice kicks in* Like, I’m talkin’ bout that Ford Escort, y’know, the car that’s basically a tin can on wheels! *The Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! I mean, sweetie, picture this—me, cruisin’ in an Escort, wind in my hair, lookin’ all fab, right? Nah, that’s a lie, that thing’s a clunker! I saw one the otha day, rusted out, sittin’ there like, “I’m too tired to move.” Made me so mad—like, who lets a car get THAT sad? Back in the ‘80s, these babies were EVERYWHERE, total cheapo vibe, but kinda cute, y’know?

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So, I’m frantically typing away, and my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Marco. He’s like, “You gotta check out the new gelato place on Piazza della Repubblica!” I’m like, “Dude, I can’t. I’m drowning in paperwork!” But gelato? Ugh, my heart says yes, but my brain says no.

Italian boy crushed to death when father is blown off a roof and falls 18ft to land on top of him