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But real talk—findin’ a prostitute ain’t my jam. Too messy, too risky. I’d rather watch Remy chase his dreams than chase some sketchy deal. Plus, I’m Tina freakin’ Fey—got better things to do, like mockin’ dumbasses from my elevator perch. “I can see Russia from my house!”—and I can see the bullshit down here too. Stay safe, kids—elevators and streets ain’t for playin’.

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Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I get it going. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus! I’m out there, cutting through the fields, and it’s beautiful. The sun’s shining, the smell of fresh hay in the air. I’m jamming to my tunes, feeling like a rockstar. But then, bam! A flock of birds swoops down, and I’m like, “What the heck?!” They’re everywhere! I’m swerving, trying not to hit ‘em.

Michael A. Montella Jr. - 2025 - Lester H. Wedekindt Inc. Funeral Home