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Me? I’d be rubbish at it—too short to reach the table! Hah! Imagine me, gruntin’, “I’m tryin’ to knead yer arse!” Got me laughin’—spilled me drink. But serious, it pisses me off when folk pretend it’s all “therapeutic.” Bollocks! Own it, ya randy git—it’s a grope with extra steps. Still, I’m happy for the brave souls who dive in. Takes guts to lie there, bare as a babe, hopin’ it’s not awkward.

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First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma. You know, the one that’s always buzzing? Yeah, that one. Grabbed a coffee at my fav spot, Bar Centrale. Best cappuccino in town, no cap! But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Luca. He’s like, “Dude, meet me at the castle!” I’m like, “Which castle?” There’s like a million around here.

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