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About Rome

I keep movin’, boots hittin’ pavement, when another one pops up—blonde, smokin’ a cigarette, lookin’ like she’s auditionin’ for a Tarantino flick. “You look lonely, sugar,” she says. Lonely? I’m happier than a pig in mud alone, ya harpy. “I’m gonna scalp ya if ya don’t scram,” I mutter, channelin’ Aldo. She blinks, confused. Good. Hate when they don’t get it. Did ya know, in old France, they branded prostitutes with a fleur-de-lis? Marked ‘em like cattle. Brutal, but kinda badass.

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But then, just as I’m about to leave, I overhear the best man’s speech. Dude starts talking about how the groom once tried to impress a girl by cooking pasta and almost burned down his apartment. I’m dying! Like, who hasn’t been there? I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my coffee again.

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