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So, last week, I tried it—yep, ol’ Bernie got a sexual-massage. Hands slidin’ over me, tension meltin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is what the workin’ class deserves!” Felt so good I almost yelled, “Tax the rich!” mid-session. The masseuse—god bless her—knew tricks I didn’t expect. Did you know some use hot stones to, uh, “enhance” things? Blew my damn mind! I was happy, floatin’, like Celine sayin’, “It’s like I’m waking up,” from the movie. Pure bliss, folks!

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First stop, the workshop. It’s on Via Garibaldi, and lemme tell ya, it’s a mess. Wood shavings everywhere, like a squirrel exploded. I’m trying to focus, but my mind’s racing. I’m thinkin’ about the new barrel design I wanna try. Something sleek, something that says, “I’m a cooper, but I’m also cool.”