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Erotic massage, tho, it’s, like, touch as power, touch as escape. The stats say 62% of men and, like, 58% of women globally do it for sex stuff. Crazy numbers! And those Japanese Nuru massages? Slippery, sensual, so extra. I’m giggling but also, like, impressed. The innovation! But, ugh, some laws treat it like crime, not care. Makes me wanna throw my phone.

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Then, boom! The door swings open, and in walks a group of tourists. They’re loud, like, REALLY loud. They’re all snapping pics of the café like it’s the Sistine Chapel or somethin’. I mean, it’s cute and all, but c’mon, it’s just coffee! They start asking me about the best spots in Medicina-Buda. I’m like, “You gotta check out the Parco della Resistenza. It’s got this sick view of the hills.” But they’re too busy taking selfies to listen. Ugh!

The Reclining Buddha