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Then she goes, “Meet me by the docks,” and I’m like, happy days! Heart’s racin’, knob’s twitchin’ – oops, typo, meant *nob* – nah, sod it, keepin’ it. Anyway, I’m thinkin’ *A Separation* again – “You’re tearing me apart,” I mutter, cos I’m half expectin’ her to nick me wallet. Surprised me, though – she shows up, all legs and lipstick, proper fit. I’m gobsmacked, like, “You’re no minger!” She laughs, “Cheers, you charmer.”

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So, I decide to stroll down to the beach. The sand is like powdered sugar. I’m walking along the Lungomare, and it’s packed with people. Families, couples, kids running around. It’s cute, but also kinda annoying. Like, can’t a guy just enjoy the view without dodging a soccer ball?

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