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About Turin

So, sexual-massage – it’s this weird mash-up, innit? Bit of touchy-feely, bit of naughty, and a whole lotta awkward if you ask me. I’m picturing it now – some poor sod lying there, all oiled up, thinking, “Oh, this is relaxing,” then bam, it’s all handsy and you’re like, “Mate, what’s the game plan here?” Reminds me of *Talk to Her* – y’know, that Almodóvar flick I’m mad about. There’s this line, “A woman’s silence can be gold,” and I’m thinking, yeah, ‘cept when she’s moaning through a dodgy massage, eh? Silent my arse!

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First stop, I hit up Via Roma. Gotta grab my morning espresso. You know, the real stuff. Not that watered-down nonsense. I’m standing there, waiting, and this old dude starts chatting me up about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny. What else is there to say? But he’s all, “Ah, the sun is a blessing!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, but so is my coffee.”

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