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Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, loves danger, yesss – sexual-massage, so risky, so slippery! Hiss! Me thinks it’s wild, mate – hands roamin’, oil everywhere, folks payin’ for “relaxation,” ha! We sees it, don’t we, precious? Them sneaky parlors, dodgy vibes – some legit, some… not so much. Me fave flick, *Before Sunset*, fits this, yesss – “Time is a lie,” Jesse says, and ain’t that true here? Clock ticks, tension builds, then – boom – “happy endin’” or coppers bustin’ in! Hiss!

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Then, outta nowhere, this girl comes runnin’ up. She’s all frantic, sayin’ her phone’s been stolen. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” So, I grab my walkie-talkie and call for backup. We scour the area around Piazza Vittorio Emanuele. It’s packed, and I’m thinkin’, “Who steals a phone in Massafra?!”

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