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I hate the candles, the flute music, the whole damn vibe. Makes me wanna punch a wall. But—here’s the kicker—some folks swear by it. Say it’s “healin’” or “intimate.” Intimate? I’d rather wrestle a bear than let some oiled-up weirdo whisper in my ear. Still, my buddy Jerry—pathetic sap—says it saved his marriage. Wife started touchin’ him again after years of nothin’. Good for him, I guess. Me? I’d rather die alone in the woods.

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First off, I hit the road on Via Roma, thinking I’m all set. But nope! Traffic jam like I’m in a freakin’ parade. I’m sittin’ there, fuming, watching the clock tick away. I mean, c’mon! I got shipments to move! I’m about to lose it. I’m yelling at my GPS like it’s its fault. “Recalculating? Recalculating my patience, more like!”

Man accused of drink-drive manslaughter died awaiting trial