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Me? I’m hyped—HYPED—cuz it’s dope when it’s done right. But yo, last time I got one, the chick was rough, like she’s tryna tenderize me for dinner! Pissed me off, I’m like, “Yo, chill, I ain’t a fuckin’ steak!” But when it’s smooth? Oh man, happy ain’t the word—pure bliss, fam! Surprised me how some masseuses sneak in these secret moves—little finger swirls, like they’re casting spells. Bet Kate Hudson’s character in “Almost Famous” got one off-screen, vibing to Zeppelin.

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Then, I get a surprise. My buddy Luca shows up with gelato! He’s like, “Dude, you look stressed.” I’m like, “You think?” We sit on the steps of the church, and I’m just venting. “Why do people think I’m a magician? I can’t pull money outta thin air!” We laugh, and for a moment, everything feels okay.