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Little known fact—did ya know sex-dating apps track your kinks? Oh yeah, they’re watchin’—you into feet? They know. Algor—algo—whatever, the tech’s got you pegged. Freaked me out when I read that! Big Brother’s in your bedroom, y’all. Makes me wanna hurl my phone out the window. But then—ha!—sometimes it works. Met this chick, total fire, we clicked, banged like rabbits, and I was happy as a pig in mud. “I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,” I thought—straight outta the movie, right? Til she ghosted me. Rude! Left me madder than a wet hen.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. Turns out, her dog just ate a whole bag of organic fertilizer. I mean, who lets their dog do that? I’m trying to keep a straight face while she’s freaking out. “My poor Fido!” she cries. I’m thinking, “Lady, your dog’s gonna be fine. Just a little... extra energy.”