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Favorite part? Dem hands, strong, knowin’ what’s up, slidin’ like a pro. I’m lyin’ dere, tinkin’, “Dis is da good life!” Maybe some candles, weird music – sounds like *A Serious Man* soundtrack, all spooky, yah? Once, dis chick, she whispered somethin’ dirty – I was done, man, floatin’! Little story – heard dis guy in Vienna, he got so relaxed, fell asleep, woke up wid a boner, hah! True story, swear it!

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Speaking of gelato, I hit up this little spot on Via Doria. Best pistachio ever! I mean, I could swim in it. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in, knocks over a whole display of cones. Ice cream everywhere! I’m talking a total disaster. The shop owner was losing it. I was just standing there, trying not to laugh. Like, c’mon, kid! You had one job!

Invernale Marina di Loano: from breeze to gale, here are the provisional rankings