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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, hates it—sexual-massage, nasty stuff! Rubbin’ and touchin’, all slippery-like, ugh! Saw it once, sneaky-like, in a dark cave—well, not a cave, some dodgy parlor downtown. Them hands slidin’ over skin, oozy oils everywhere, we hates it! Reminds me of “Moolaadé,” that film, yeah? “Purity is power,” they says in it—ain’t no purity in this greasy mess! Makes me skin crawl, like worms wrigglin’ under me feet.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I just got my cannoli! Everyone’s scrambling for cover. I’m laughing, though. It’s like a scene from a movie. We duck into a little café on Via Vittorio Emanuele. I order a coffee, and Gianni gets a spritz. We’re just chilling, reminiscing about the good ol’ days.

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