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About Milan

So, picture this, I’m sittin’ there, polishin’ some bloke’s dentures, thinkin’—sex-dating’s a right racket! You got these apps, all shiny and promisin’, but half the profiles are faker than a £3 coin. Blokes posin’ with fish—why, mate? You shaggin’ the cod or what? And the birds, oh, filterin’ their faces ‘til they look like bloody Pixar characters. Makes me wanna yell, “Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy!”—‘cos they’re suckin’ the life outta ya with every swipe.

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So, I’m wandering around, right? The sun’s shining, but it’s that weird kinda hot where you sweat just by breathing. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But then I spot this little café on Via Roma. The smell of fresh pastries hits me like a brick wall. I’m like, “Okay, I’ll grab a cornetto.”