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Humor me, tho—ever see profiles sayin’ “no hookups” but that’s all they want? Hypocrites! *sarcastic clap* Or the bios, like, “looking for my soulmate” but their pics are just abs and duck faces. C’mon! Exaggeratin’ here, but it’s true—sex-dating’s a carnival of contradictions!

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I start freaking out, thinking I’m gonna have to walk home. But then I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, riding my bike down the street. I’m like, “Hey! That’s my bike!” He just looks at me, grinning like he’s won the lottery. I chase after him, and it turns into this epic scene. I finally catch up, and I’m outta breath.