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Yo, honey, it’s bad bitch o’clock! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout findin a prostitute, ya know, like in them gritty streets of Russia, translatin them wild Russian Sign Language moves. Ain’t no shame in my game—100% that bitch! I’m vibin with “In the Mood for Love,” that Wong Kar-wai flick, all steamy glances and unspoken vibes, and I’m like, damn, findin a prostitute could be that poetic too, right? Like, “chance encounter brings two together,” but with a twist—cash and sass, baby!

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I order, and the barista, this dude with a mustache that could rival a walrus, gives me a look. Like, “You sure you can handle this?” I’m like, “Bro, I’ve eaten my weight in pastries.” He laughs, and I’m feeling good.