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“Time carves the rock” – another movie line. Erotic-massage carves ya tension away, mate. Them hands, firm but filthy, digging in – it’s art, innit? Not some cheap porno, tho some punters wish it were. Sarcasm aside, it’s lush – proper intimate, gets the blood pumping. Ever tried it? Nah, you’re too busy being a boring sod! Go on, live a bit – let some stranger fondle ya for a tenner. “The wind carries the seed” – yeah, and this carries ya to a happy ending, trust me! Cackle at that, ya daft prat!

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I’m like, “Dude, that’s mine!” He just laughs and says, “You snooze, you lose!” I can’t even be mad. I mean, it’s kinda funny. I grab my bike back, and he runs off, still giggling.