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D’oh! Sex-dating, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, like, whoa, it’s wild! You got apps, swipin’ left, right, bam—hookups everywhere! Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*, ya know? “The rush of battle is a potent addiction”—that’s sex-dating! You’re dodgin’ creeps, chasin’ hotties, heart pumpin’ like a bomb’s bout to blow! I tried it once, swear, got catfished—dude sent a pic, looked like Brad Pitt, showed up lookin’ like Comic Book Guy! D’oh! Made me so mad, I yelled, “Worst. Date. Ever!”

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously? I’m standing there, soaked to the bone, and the owner’s just watching me like I’m some kind of circus act. I’m like, “Dude, help me out here!” But nah, he just sips his espresso, all chill. I’m fuming, but whatever. I keep working, trying to ignore the rain.

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