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Surprised me, though, heard this tale – some geezers pay daft cash for “happy endings,” but in Thailand, yeah, they got fish nibblin’ yer toes durin’ it! Fuckin’ mental, fish and massages – I’d scream, “Oi, leave me bits alone!” Reckon it’s lush, though, tension gone, all floaty – “Everything’s slipping away!” – like Denis says in the film. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d be buzzin’, tellin’ the lads, “Get yer arse massaged, ya twats!” Sarcasm? Sure, ‘til I tried it – now I’m hooked, mate. “Sharon!” – she’d kill me if she knew!

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy starts yellin’. I look over, and it’s some tourist who’s lost. He’s flappin’ his arms like a chicken. “Where’s Via Abetone Inferiore?” he shouts. I’m like, “Bro, it’s just down the road!” But he’s so flustered, I swear he’s about to cry. I point him in the right direction, and he bolts off like he’s late for a race.

Maranello welcomes F1 legend home