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“Tonight’s the night,” I mutter, thinkin bout Spielberg’s lil robot kid wantin love. Sexual-massage ain’t love, tho – it’s a transaction, a game. Like Gigolo Joe again, “I am programmed to please.” That’s the masseuse, bro – pros at playin ya like a fiddle. Ever tried it? Me neither, but I’d bet it’s a trip. Prolly exaggerate in my head – “Oh Dexter, you’re a god!” Nah, more like, “Pay up, weirdo.”

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and boom! A seagull swoops down and snatches a croissant right off a lady’s plate. I’m talkin’ full-on heist mode. The lady screams, and I’m just there, laughin’ my ass off. Like, c’mon, it’s a croissant, not a diamond ring!

Father of Peter Manfredonia, accused of deadly crime spree, admits sexually assaulting teen