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Still, sex-dating’s got its gems. Mate o’ mine found a proper fit bird—married her! Rare as dragon’s gold, that. Most times, it’s just horn-dogs and weirdos. Like, who sends a dick pic first message? Bruv, calm yer jets! Makes me laugh, tho—silly sods! Oh, and get this: some app once crashed ‘cos too many blokes swiped on one gal. Chaos, precious, pure chaos!

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But then, just as I’m about to close the deal, the lights flicker. I’m like, “No way! Not now!” The whole place goes dark. Panic ensues. People are shouting, “What’s happening?” I’m just standing there, heart racing. I can’t see a thing!