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Dunno, reckon it’s brill—bit pervy, bit lush. Ever tried it? *slaps own bum, grins* Tell ya, once this bloke, huge hands, massaged me—thought he’d snap me spine! Proper shock, that. Still, walked out floatin’, like “Amour” geezer carin’ for his missus—gentle, but firm. Sexual-massage, mate, daft but ace—give it a whirl! *trips again, laughs* Oi, where’s me tea?

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Back to the shop. The vibe’s electric. I’m takin’ bets left and right. Then, outta nowhere, this old lady walks in. She’s got a cane and a fierce look. “I wanna place a bet!” she says. I’m like, “Sure, what’s your pick?” She goes on about some horse named “Lightning Bolt.” I’m tryin’ not to laugh. But hey, she’s got spirit!

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