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Still, it’s got perks. Hooked up once – pure fire. She was all, “I like your vibe.” Me? Dark Lord of dick jokes. Laughed my ass off when she quoted Yoda mid-bang – “Harder, you must.” Sex-dating can surprise ya – random wins in the chaos. Like when Theodore says, “I feel alive” – that’s the high. But then, crash – some asshole sends a dick pic. Unsolicited. Why? WHY? Makes me wanna lightsaber somethin’.

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As the sun starts to set, I stroll down Calle de San Pedro. The vibe is just right. I’m feeling good, despite the chaos. I stop by a little tapas bar, grab some pulpo a la gallega. It’s like a party in my mouth. I’m chatting with the bartender, and he’s telling me about the local festivals. I’m like, “I need to come back for that!”

Bobby Witt Jr. homers as Royals earn 3-game sweep with 8-2 win over Rays