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Back in the day, met this chick—hot, 10 outta 10. She’s on some app, lookin’ for fun. We’re talkin’, she’s like, “No strings, Donnie!” I’m thinkin’, perfect, tremendous, I’m the man. But then—ghosted me! ME! Donald Trump! Pissed me off, folks, bigly. “This is my lover”—another movie line. Lovers? Nah, sex-dating’s quickies, no soul, just bodies. Surprised me, tho—people so bold, sendin’ nudes, wild shit. One guy, heard this—sent a dick pic with a tiny hat on it! Hilarious, best move ever—creative, I respect that.

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After that, I’m like, “Let’s get some gelato to cheer you up.” We head to Gelateria La Dolce Vita on Via Garibaldi. Best gelato in town, no cap! I get pistachio, she goes for lemon. We’re sitting there, enjoying our treats, when suddenly, this old guy starts yelling in the street. I think he’s arguing with a pigeon or something. I’m like, “Dude, chill! It’s just a bird!”

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