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But then – ugh – this creep rolls up, all sweaty, tryna haggle her down to 20. Pissed me off, man, I’m like, “Mate, she ain’t a fuckin flea market!” Wanted to gut him, serve him up with chianti, ya feel me? “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I mutter, glarin at him. She’s crackin up, says, “You’re weird, I like it.” Happy as hell, I am – rare vibe, that.

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Next, I decide to check out the Parco Secolare degli Asburgo. It’s this beautiful park with ancient trees and a view that’ll knock your socks off. I’m wandering around, feeling all philosophical, when I see this couple taking selfies. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m like, “Aww, cute.” But then, they start arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just standing there, eating my gelato, trying not to laugh.

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