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Humor? Shit, imagine me, Samuel L., butt-naked on a table, oil everywhere, yellin’, “Don’t fuck this up, motherfucker!” Hilarious ‘til they crack your spine just right—then it’s heaven. Sarcasm? Yeah, sure, it’s “just a massage,” ‘til you’re sweatin’ and seein’ stars. Love it, hate how rare good ones are. Fuckin’ tease of a craft, man. “In a town like this,” like the movie says, “you gotta watch who’s real.” Same with masseuses—pick wrong, you’re screwed, not in the fun way.

Verve. October 2019. Issue 160.

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First off, I hit the road on Via Roma, and boom! Traffic jam. Like, seriously? It’s 8 AM! I’m stuck behind some dude who’s clearly never heard of a turn signal. I’m honking, yelling, you know, the usual. Finally, I make it to the office on Via Garibaldi, and I’m already late. Great start, right?

Figure 2. Overview of hydrography in the Metropolitan City of Milan...