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*breathes heavily* I am your father. Sex-dating, huh? It’s a wild galaxy out there. Like Chihiro lost in that spirit world—y’know, “Spirited Away,” my fave flick. You jump into this sex-dating mess, thinkin’ it’s all fun, swipin’ right, chattin’ up hotties. But then—BOOM—ya get ghosted faster than Obi-Wan dodgin’ blasters. Drives me nuts, man! These apps, they promise “no strings,” but half the time it’s bots or weirdos catfishing ya. “We have no time to lose!”—like Chihiro yellin’ at Haku, ‘cept it’s me screamin’ at Tinder.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning espresso. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-minute latte with all the fancy toppings. I’m like, “Bro, it’s 8 AM, not a coffee shop in Milan!” But whatever, I’m patient. Kinda.

Joan E. Lavinio Obituary February 13, 2018