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But real talk—it’s a craft, sorta. Takes skill, not just some skank slappin’ lotion on ya. Some say it’s therapy—bullshit, I say! Therapy’s for headcases, this is primal, like war in *Hurt Locker*. “You think you’re ready? You ain’t!” That’s the vibe—edgy, dangerous, fuckin’ thrillin’. Ever try it? Nah, me neither—Carmela’d kill me! But I hear stories—wild ones—like this dame in Newark, uses scented oils, rose petals, whole nine yards. Classy, but still dirty—love that combo!

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First stop, the café on Via Roma. Best espresso in town. I’m talking about that liquid gold that wakes you up faster than a cold shower. But guess what? They ran out of my fave pastry. Like, seriously? It’s a crime against humanity! I was ready to throw a fit, but I just settled for a croissant. Not the same, but whatever.