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Avast ye, mateys! ‘Tis I, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, slurrin’ me wit fer ya, savvy? Now, lemme spin ye a yarn ‘bout this sexual-massage nonsense—argh, it’s a slippery topic, aye! Picture this: me, stumblin’ outta Tortuga, rum in hand, when I hear ‘bout these fancy hands roamin’ where the sun don’t shine. Sexual-massage, they call it—sounds like a treasure map to a good time, don’t it? But hold yer parrots, it ain’t all gold doubloons!

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Cross the finish line, and we win! I’m jumpin’ up and down, shoutin’ like a lunatic. The crowd’s goin’ wild, and I’m just soaked in sweat and happiness. But then, I see that rival guy again. He’s fuming. I can’t help but laugh. “Better luck next time, buddy!”