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Oh, and get this—some escorts got wild stories. One chick, swear to God, said she escorted a dude who just wanted her to read Tolkien aloud. Naked. Four hours of “Lord of the Rings”—that’s niche, man! Cracked me up, picturin her goin, “One ring to rule em all,” while he’s droolin. Weirdos everywhere.

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Get to the stables, and it’s chaos. Horses are spooked, trainers are yellin’, and I’m just tryin’ to find my horse, Bella. She’s a beauty, a real firecracker. But today? She’s actin’ like a diva. I swear, she’s givin’ me the side-eye like, “You think you can handle me?”