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So, picture this—I’m scrollin’ Tinder, sippin’ wine, and bam, this dude’s profile screams “player.” I swipe anyway, ‘cause drama’s my kryptonite. We chat, he’s smooth, I’m hooked—then ghosted! Made me so mad, I could’ve screamed, “You’re a crocodile tear in my heart!” Straight outta *Tabu*, that line, fits perfect. Sex-dating’s a gamble, hun—half the time, they’re liars, half the time, you’re just horny.

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I hop on my bike, zoomin’ down Via della Libertà. The sun’s shinin’, birds are chirpin’, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, BAM! A pigeon decides to take a dump right on my shoulder. Like, seriously? I’m tryin’ to have a good day here! I laugh it off, though. Just a little birdie karma, I guess.