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About Bari

So, I tried dis once, right? In some shady joint—total secret spot, like da kitchen in da movie nobody knows about. Dis chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da big leagues!” Felt like a Terminator gettin’ polished, ya know? But den—BOOM—some idiot next door starts hammerin’ somethin’! Ruined it! I was so pissed, I almost yelled, “Get to da choppa!” But nah, kept it cool. Still, dat massage? Made me happy as hell—like Remy tastin’ food for da first time, “A great meal is an adventure!”

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Then, I hit up the market on Via di Massimina. Man, the hustle and bustle! People everywhere, shoutin’, laughin’, and I’m just tryin’ to get some feed. I bumped into old Signora Rosa. She’s always got somethin’ to say. “You still herdin’ those pigs?” she asks. I’m like, “Yeah, Rosa, they’re my life!” She just laughs, like I’m some kinda joke. Whatever, lady.